A Fish's Worth of Thoughts

Reading Jared's post on Business Practice the other day made me recall this conversation I had with a bunch of friends awhile back. It was ways to prevent the water from the toilet bowl from splashing onto your buttocks when taking a dump.

Most of you may have already thought of these, but for those of you who haven't, why not give any of these a try the next time and see if it works? :)

*WARNING: post may be disgusting*

1. Train your butthole muscles. This will enable you to keep your poop in as long a piece as you can (don't cut your poop when it's halfway out). If it's long enough, it will touch the water before falling into it. Hence, no splash.

2. When your poop comes out, lean towards the edge. This way, your poop will slide down the side of the toilet bowl, preventing any unneccessary splashes.

3. Before you take a dump, put a few pieces of toilet paper into the toilet bowl. This will help cushion your poop when it drops.


Hope that was useful in some ways. Happy experimenting, peeps! :)

"Just leave, Edward," I said coldly, my face hard as stone. "We both know where your heart lies, and that's with your family."

Hurt flashed across his eyes for a split second, but it was gone before I could be sure if I hadn't just imagined it.

"That's not fair. You know you're important to me as well."

"So you say," I muttered, scoffing a little at the thought. But before he could say anything else, I waved a hand impatiently and said, "It's not like anyone even knows I exist in your life. You'll live."

"But you won't," he said sadly.

I exhaled impatiently. "Edward," I said, trying to keep my voice void of any emotion lest it should betray how I really felt, "You're not in love with me. You may think you are, but you're not. You can't love something that doesn't exist." If only he could hear my heart breaking.

"No! You're wrong. I love you. And you can't force me to leave," he said as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him, so close, that I could almost taste the sweet scent of his breath.

I shoved him away from me. This was taking too long. "Say it," I said.

He looked at me with eyes wide open, shocked at what I was asking him to do.

"Say it!" I yelled, shoving at him again angrily. I will not cry.

After just staring at each other for a few seconds, he finally nodded sadly. "Goodbye, Liv," he whispered, stroking my cheek softly as he did.

I closed my eyes as I embraced nothingness, but not before I saw the tears in his eyes.

And then, I was gone. A figment of your imagination.

Everybody from her world knew, but nobody from his.

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't updated my blog in awhile nor have I been active in responding to emails, being on MSN, and what not. Two reasons. The first one being of a recent death in the family of a really important person to me. I thought it only appropriate if I gave a "moment of silence" out of respect and honor to his father, and at least till he got back from Miri after spending some time mourning with his family.

The second being how I'm so mentally and somewhat physically exhausted from my new part-time job that by the time I get home, I'm already part zombie and have been drained of 80% of brain juice, hence my lack of participation in the cyber world. So sorrey.

Now, to what's been on my mind lately...

I just realized that I'm 22. Not that I forgot how young I am, but that I'll be 26 by the time I'm back in Malaysia!! (that is IF I do go to the States to further my studies la) After doing some rough mental calculations, this is what I've come up with:

Leave Malaysia the year I turn 23. Finish up my degree in 2 years time. Approximately 1 year of working out there. Come back after that. 23 + 2 + 1 = 26.

So what does being 26 when I come back mean? It just means that I'll be single at 26! Single and alone with only 4 more years till I turn 30 and my eggs shrivel up like dried prunes and die.

See, this is my theory. It's always best to have your first born child before 30, or at the very least, in your early 30s. For me to get married to someone, it is a requirement for me that I be in a solid relationship with them for at least 3 years. Then once we get married, I would very much like to enjoy my married life (including honeymoon period) for at least 1 year +. More also is ok I don't mind.

So, with all these put into consideration, not forgetting the time it takes me to find someone to be in a relationship with (not easy kay), give or take a few months (and with luck on my side), I'll be 27 by the time I'm in a relationship. Add 3 years to that, I'll be 30. Horror of horrors, I'll be like 30 (or older) by the time I get married. and 30+++ by the time I'm a mother! And that is also if I manage to find someone by the time I hit the dreaded 27th year of my life and somehow miraculously manage to make that relationship work till and long after marriage la.

Maybe to some of you marriage isn't a big deal, but to be honest, my dream age to get married is actually 27. That explains my overly exaggerated post. My apologies. But unless I manage to find a Malaysian boyfriend when I'm studying in the States or an American boyfriend who doesn't mind moving and living in Malaysia for all eternity with me, I'm pretty much doomed to be married when I'm 30. That is if I even get married at all.

Marriage pact, anyone?

When the Twilight movie came out, I instantly fell in love with it. Despite what a lot of people said about Kristen Stewart's mediocre acting, I thought she fit the role very well with her almost "natural" shyness and awkward personality; I found it quite adorable and fitting to the fictional Bella Swan character. And though I wasn't a rabid fan of the Twilight Saga, I was definitely into it, no doubt.

I hadn't read the books before as I was afraid it might ruin the movie for me (you know how the books are always way better than the movies) so I refrained. But about a week ago, I finally gave in. I thought that since I had already watched the first movie and really loved it, I guess I could read the first book and not have it "ruin" the movie for me.

And then, I was hooked. Die. Everything about the book appealed to me. I was literally drawn to the pages, the details in every line. And it's not so much of the storyline or it involving hot vampires that got me hooked (although the vampires played a huge part of it!), it was because Stephenie Meyer had so brilliantly captured the feelings of both Bella Swan and Edward Cullen for each other. It may be fiction, but the feelings felt so real to me. I felt Twilight had become personal to me, that although not to that level of intensity, I related to those feelings.

Whatever that Edward did, however Edward looked, it was always perfect, always amazing, in Bella's eyes; and whatever Bella did (her awkwardness, her clumsiness), Edward always found it cute and amusing. And I don't need the guy I'm in love with to be a vampire who oozes sexuality and hotness or whatever to entrance me, just the fact that I'm into him is enough to make me see almost everything he does in a better light (in Crystal's post, she said "love is not blind", but "love sees what other people don't or can't").

Also, Stephenie Meyer understands so well how a person feels when s/he is apart from the person they love -- how when you don't see them when you go to [school], you wonder where they are and you feel a sort of depression take over from missing them so much, how you always want them to be by your side and do everything together, or how torturous it can get from having to refrain from touching each other when you're together.

This may not apply to most people of course, but to me, that's how I get sometimes; and that is why I find myself somewhat on a personal level with Twilight. I find myself thinking how great it'd be to have someone who sees me like how Edward sees Bella, to want me as much as Edward wants Bella, that despite how I'm just your average kind of girl, that he sees me as someone beautiful and more than I give myself credit for. The intensity of their love for each other is amazing, and on some levels, although I know it's just fiction and hardly ever exists in real life, it does, in a silly way, make me a bit jealous. Gah.

Synopsis

Much has been written and debated about on the Shah Alam cow-head controversy. Members of the Section 19 and 23 communities, politicians, provocateurs, bloggers, the mainstream media, the online media, the international media, concerned Malaysians, ugly Malaysians, beautiful Malaysians - they've all had their say.

But one voice remains unheard. The most important voice.

This week, The Fairly Current Show brings you deep inside a community of cows, to understand the story from THEIR perspective, to hear the words, so to speak, directly from the cow's mouth. We interview Jay Cee, a female cow, on her lunch break for her thoughts on the controversy, as well as her take on Malaysia Day.

Selamat Hari menJadi Malaysia, Selamat Hari Raya, and Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

JOEY: Hey Phoebe, if we're still single when we're forty, you wanna make a pact?

PHOEBE: Yeah OK.

JOEY: So if we're not married by then, we'll marry each other.

PHOEBE: Oh! I was going to say "kill ourselves", but your way's good too!


An episode from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, two friends agreeing to marry each other if they are single by a certain age; but does this really happen in real life?

It seems to happen between two best friends, who'd probably be the perfect couple except for a lack of romantic attraction. But why else would anyone want to do so?

For me, well, I'd probably just do it for fun. Like, you know, as an inside joke amongst your circle of friends and him. But of course, though the pact may be just a joke, I would only make this pact with a close friend whom I can get along with. I mean, if I am really going to marry someone, it has to be someone I understand and can get along with right?

And I do think about it at times, not the pact thing, but whether I'll be able to find someone and get married or not. And you're probably thinking, "Oh come on, Chev, that's ridiculous. Of course you'll find someone and get married. Tons of guys out there for you!" or somewhere along those lines; but life has taught me to expect the unexpected.

I mean, look at Jennifer Aniston (I'm on Aniston's team). She's smart, beautiful, talented, cool... but she's 40 and still not married (although she did get married to Brad Pitt for awhile and this is probably a very crappy example)... but you know what I mean la! Can't think of anyone else out there who still hasn't gotten married who's in their late thirties or older at the moment...

But here's the question: would you ever think of making a pact with someone? Be it real or just as a joke la. I think I would lor, mostly for fun, but if I'm already 40 and still single and lonely, I mean, why not? It's definitely something to think about. Weeee!! :)

I just recently started a part-time job. My manager and colleagues have been quite nice so far, so I'm pretty content with where I am at this point of time even though I am not earning that much.

Yesterday was my third day at work, and my manager's husband (who works in the same company as well, or perhaps even started this franchise together.. not really sure of the story) dropped by the store for a visit.

When he saw me, he immediately smiled, introduced himself, and started asking me friendly questions like "You must be the new girl! How do you like it here so far?" and "What course did you take?". He seemed like the cheerful and friendly type of guy, and I instantly liked him as a person.

When he left, I started to think how cool it was that both husband and wife shared the same working environment and interests; in fact, I even found it quite romantic. And I was thinking how nice it was if I were to get married to someone who shares the same passion as me and who will one day end up being my business partner (starting a small company or something together). A husband and wife business.. cute la. :)

Even now, just finding a partner (boyfriend) who shares the same passion as I do whom I am able to work on projects/stuff together with without too many disagreements and arguments, is enough to make me blissfully happy. And in a way, I have found someone -- someone whom I can chat with about what we're passionate about, someone whom I can exchange ideas and constructive criticisms with without making each other feel inferior to the other... it really does feel wonderful to have someone like that in your life. Because honestly, I don't see any point of finding someone who shares the same interests as you do but not be able to work together without one of you getting angry and upset over something all the time.

I remember during one of our college camps (about 2 years ago), we had this activity where each of us had to write down the criteria we would like our future partners to have, and to share those criteria up in the front with the whole college. Honestly, I don't really remember who went up nor what they looked for in their future partners, except one person. Crystal.

Though vaguely, I remember her saying her future husband has to be musically talented, and that she would like to open a bookshop cum cafe where (I think) her husband (and her?) would sometimes do short live performances. For all I know, I may be getting all this information wrong and that I probably dreamt it happened, but be it real or not, I do share the same wants as her. Not opening a bookstore with my future husband part, but just the general idea of it.

So, if you're a male, passionate about post production/broadcasting and/or dancing, would like to one day open a dance/production studio, and like somewhat short and meaty girls, feel free to send your resume to muhbabyfish[@]gmail[.]com. :)

I stormed out and didn't look back. Shaking with anger, I tried to fight back the tears -- tears that eventually did spill over before I angrily wiped them off my cheeks.

It hurt, but I reveled in it. Probably because I just wanted an excuse to be mad at him, or maybe because I've always made up excuses in his defense that it has finally reached its toll (again).

Whatever it may be, I wanted to stay angry. I even added fuel to it by playing different approaches of the argument in my mind. So many things I would have liked to say, but never did quite manage to at that moment in time.

But I had made up my mind; I was not gonna be the one to apologize. Why should I when it was not even my fault in the first place? But because of that, I was stuck in this position, where I had to choose my ego, or my convenience.

Choosing my ego came with forking out money that I really needed to save. Forgoing my ego would mean saving money, but admitting defeat and "losing face".

I thought long and hard, and decided that even though I loved my money and didn't want to part with it, it was more important to me that I did not lose my pride. I wanted him to know that it does affect me, that it matters to me and that he can't just shirk one's duty by giving excuses.

I chose my ego, and that may not be my proudest moment, but you know what... I'll live.

When I saw this on Jeannette's blog, I HAD to post this up on my blog as well. I loved Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, and my favorite character was Mr. Darcy. I loved how he had this whole different side of him that many people couldn't see in the beginning, and how he struggled with his feelings for Elizabeth... but, that's not what this post is supposed to be about.

Like Jeannette, I have this thing for vampires. I find them so alluring, so fascinating, and so dangerously beautiful. So imagine my excitement when I found out that one of my favorite characters is now a vampire in Pride and Prejudice's paranormal sequel, Mr. Darcy, Vampyre. I find that so hot! *swoons*

Here's Mr. Darcy, Vampyre book trailer:



And guess what! They'll be hitting Kinokuniya's bookstores on Tuesday!! There'll only be 20 copies, so if you want it, you know what you gotta do! Priced at RM60, I think it's so worth it; but too bad, I can't afford it right now. *tear*

Money is everything!! I don't care what people say. But that, my dear friends, is for another post. :)

For more information, visit Mr. Darcy, Vampyre book blog.

I took his hand and placed it on my breast. "Do you feel that?"

Jaw dropping slightly, his eyes fleeted from his hand on my breast to my face and back again.

"Do you feel that?" I repeated patiently.

"It's... very soft?" he asked dumbly, eyes still darting back and forth.

I rolled my eyes. "There's no heartbeat, Ben."

Silence.

"Shit," he finally said. "What the hell? Why isn't there a heartbeat?"

"Because I'm really a robot and I don't have a heart," I said monotonously, still pressing his hand against my breast.

"No, seriously Krissy, stop fooling around. Why isn't there a heartbeat?" he asked, a little too panicky.

I sighed. "Because that's my right breast, you idiot."

Protestors Threaten Bloodshed Over Temple

Pardon my French, but this is the most fucked up thing ever done by these particular group of Muslims. Read article to find out:

http://themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/36272-protesters-threaten-bloodshed-over-hindu-temple


It's downright outraging that some people can be so damn self-absorbed in their own religion that they forget this country is supposed to be a civilized and harmonious multi-racial country. Malaysians have lived for 52 years of knowing the many different religions that are being practiced in Malaysia, all of which each and everyone of us have learnt to respect, despite it being their religion/belief or not.

The "residents" said that the construction of a Hindu temple in a 90 per
cent Malay- Muslim neighbourhood was insensitive because activities there would disrupt their lives. They claimed that the "noise" from the temple would disturb
their own praying, and that they would not be able to function properly as
Muslims.